Ranger Success

A More Elegant Disciplinary System For A More Civilized Age
Good news: no more PBIS. That acronym has been deemed unworthy of utterance by the great and venerable Brother Gnewikow. News that has yet to be determined as good or bad: Ranger Success has been enacted. Apparently Rangers weren't Successful enough before, because there's a new sheriff in town, and that sheriff's name is Ranger Success. Resting upon the Four Pillars of Success and cemented by the cornerstones of Kudos Cards, Positive Praise, Students of the Month, and Celebrations For Students Who Are In Good Academic Standing And Do Not Receive Discipline Referrals, the grand edifice of Ranger Success shall shelter us all beneath its formidable umbrage.

The Four Pillars
In order to walk the Way of Success, Rangers are encouraged to live by the Four Pillars: Respect, Responsibility, Resilience, and Reflection (not to be confused with the Three Rs–readin', writin', and 'rithmatic).

Respect
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me. Soc it to me soc it to me soc it to me soc it to me Respect. Yeah, that's about all I got.

Responsibility
Responsibility is all about stepping up, owning what's yours, and being reliable in doing what you gotta do. According to The Heart of Darkness, this is a quality reserved for men, so sorry ladies, Ranger Success is a chauvinist lie.

Resilience
I'd write something here, but I still have a few weeks before I have to be Ranger Successful and I'm not feeling Resilient.

uoᴉʇɔǝlɟǝɹ
Hindsight is 20/20, and that's why reflection is so important. Here at Logan, we emphasize hindsight and reflection by encouraging students to spend hours looking at their hind parts in their reflection.

FAQs
Q: Does this mean I don't have to obey all that PBIS stuff?

A: What sort of treasonous question is that? I'll have your head for such seditious utterances!

Q: What happens if I don't follow the Way of the Four Pillars?

A: There's basically three options. Either you're publicly executed; you burn in Hell, never reach Success, and hence sit in your room feeling sorry for yourself; or an Office Discipline Referral Form will be filled out, and appropriate action will be taken by an administrator.

Q: Are there other ways to be Successful in life?

A: Yes, several. There's being a selfish asshole and screwing over everybody who has ever loved you, inheriting unholy sums of money, marrying someone rich, and taking advantage of the defunct American system through white-collar crime.