Governor

It's election day 2018 and the fate of Wisconsin lies in the hands of these five challengers, who will compete for control of 25.4% of America's cheese production.

Scott "Road Destroyer" Walker (Republican Party)
He is the incumbent governor of Wisconsin so good luck getting rid of him. He also '''hates our roads. '''You know that one really bad road? The one thats always filled with potholes? The one that makes your life terrible? Well Mr. Walker is responsible for that shitty road.

Tony "Pedophile" Evers (Democratic Party)
This man is gonna unite Wisconsin, and improve our economy, and do something with health care or whatever. Oh yeah. He also watches child pornography.

Phil "Libertarian" Anderson (Libertarian Party)
Wait. What do Libertarians do again?

Micheal "Nature Nerd" White (Green Party)
Ok Micheal White, what are you gonna do when you become Governor? Plant trees? And seriously, pick a color; white or green. Indecisive little bitch.

Arnie "Who the fuck is gonna vote for you" Enz (Independent Party)
Just save yourself some time and do something better with your life. Please.

Tommy "Finally, A Guy We Like" Lenz (Anti-Federalist Party)
Tommy Lenz is the man this country needs. In a country racked by affronts to our rights as states, Mr. Lenz stands up for those of us who know that a strong central government is wrong for our country. We all know that if those goddamn Federalists win this election, those blasted Yankees will get all up in our way of life. Vote Virginia. Vote Southern Dynasty. Vote for The People. Vote Lenz for House of Reps.