Assemblies

More like ASSemblies am I right? Putting jokes aside for a second, the Logan High School assemblies are a wonderful experience that we are all lucky to have. The assemblies are run by some guy who ONLY GIVES EXPIRED STARBURSTS TO PEOPLE IN THE FRONT ROW EVEN IF OHTER PEOPLE IN THE BACK SAID IT FIRST! Cheering during the assemblies is mandatory. Failure to do so will result in your untimely death. The assemblies take place during your homeroom and may leak into your fourth our if Brother Gnewikow wills it to be so. The ever wise and ever secret Shadow Student Government have decided to improve our limited experience on this earth by making assemblies once a month (good lord give me strength). One of the best things about the assemblies are the hour of hate, where they show us pictures of Logan's rival High Schools and we shout "NOOOO! BOOO!! WE HATE THEM!!! THEY AREN'T US!!!! THEY DON'T GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS US!!!!!!" When the assembly is finished Brother Gnewikow addresses the audience. He will not begin talking, however, until all the students are silent, and I mean silent. He brings in a bunch of equipment to measure the sound of the room. We all have to hold our breath to make sure we are as silent as we can possibly be. Many students die from lack of oxygen as Brother Gnewikow stands at the podium saying "I'll wait" and "If we could all calm down..." Once he has complete silence will speak up once again to say "alright... Please rise and show appropriate respect for the pledge of allegiance."