Teacher Quotes

There are many fabulous teachers at Logan, and you would do well to heed their wise words.

Gilge
"Here at Logan we have a lot of things"

McGowan
"Boys, stop touching each other!"

Renkas
"I need you all to stop breathing"

Lakmann
(Following a drawing of a clarinet that looked suspiciously like male genitalia) "Just hold the 'D'"

Marohl
"I suck."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're a loser"

Kammer
"When it's cold at night, and warm during the day, tap that baby!"

McMullen
"Somebody's hopes and dreams are crushed every day" (citation needed).

Gruen
(our best compliment we've ever received) "Is that like the Onion but for Logan High School?"

"There's 800 kids at this school trying to watch Dude Perfect right now"

"It's impossible to get 100 percent but there is still a college out there somewhere that will take you"

"I mean, really, High School relationships are destined to fall flat on their face. Sorry."

"There is no such thing as succ" (his most famous Science Matters quote)

Pitz
"I bully people every day and it makes me so happy"

"And that ruined lesbian porn for me forever"

(Although not a teacher, Bo Fatty is a member of the CoC clan The Fake Mafia and the curators of The Wiki thought it necessary to include this historic monologue)
"you fucker

i just went to my builder base and when i got back some big ol jackass tree decided to plant itself plum in the middle of myyard

visit me

look at that little bitch

standing there so smugly like the shit guzzling dicot it is

i aughta take an axe to that mofo like its f*cking hoodwinked and im that giant-ass lumberjack that sells snitzel

i tell you, if that little hardwood brat starts acting deciduous on my pristine lawn i will hack its limbs off like its 75AD

Hiroshima aint got nothing on whats coming to this photosynthetic parapatetic

i swear this miserable little son of a bitch aint worth 10000 elixir

his sorry little life aint worth a cent

he should be paying me not to end his sorry life

then again maybe he should pay me to end it

that fucker aint got nothing to live for

he should just go drink some herbicide and do us all a favor

AAAUGH WHAT THE HELL THERES ANOTHER ONE

THAT SMALL-PEEPEED TREE HAS COMPANY

i got it: ima kill his friend and let him watch as the sap runs out of that bitch's miserable little trunk

goodness knows he deserves it

as soon as my builder gets done in 56min 32 sec hes toast

firewood even"

Brother Gnewikow
"I'm not on social media, because that's a nasty place."

Beck
"I don't know what I'm doing, either. I just work here."

Martin
"My son is a part-time nudist."

"Whats a yeet?"